For my beloved bestfriend, FMR

I miss the old you. I miss us. When we used to talk all day all night, when we used to laugh at literally everything. When you showed your stupidity and i would laugh at it or vice versa. When you listened to everything that i told you and it happened the same to me too. When you cried in my shoulders and i did too. When we used to be in each other's side. When all you had was only me. When the first time i called you from my place and you were like "OH MY GOD, HASNA?!" not like when the last time i called you from that place too. You just like "oh. Hey. What's up?" It feels like you're gonna used to it. Haha. So bitter. When things weren't going like this. You changed. A little by a little. When i'm here almost still the same since the day we left junior high school. It sucks and it hurts me. You're so busy with whatever is that in your life. I don't even think that you enjoy it tho. I feel like behind your smile, there's always a pain or pains. Wish i could fix you, but i couldn't. I don't blame the fate. I just feel like i lost you. And i want you to come back. I feel so lonely, here. I can't tell you this in whatsapp or face to face. I just hoped that you'll read this and take this to your deepest heart. I want you to feel the same. I love you. So much.

what sucks the most

You know what sucks the most when you gotta school in a girls boarding school? It's you can't move on from the last boy that you were falling into. Why? Because there's no boy in a girl boarding school oh gosh. You don't have someone that can replace him. It sucks the most. When you know he's already had new friends, new girls around him, and maybe a girlfriend. But you can't even get over the fact that you're still falling for him. When he is living his new part of life and already forgot about his past , and you're living yours too but your past memories still haunt you. You can imagine it by yourself how suck it is haha. Well, this post is pointless, tbh. I just wanna write in here what i feel or what i thought. Sorry for my grammar, btw :))

A Letter From Zayn Malik

Dear Zayn Javaad Malik or @zaynmalik I wanna tell you something from my deepest heart. I don't know how to tell you at the first. Because in twitter, you haven't followed me back so i can't send you a direct message. Oh even if you have followed me, i think you wouldn't read it anyway. And if i mention you in twitter and saying this thing you won't read it tho. So the last way that crossed in my mind it's just by write it in my blog. Maybe when you bored and just searched anything under the tag "zayn malik" or "zayn javaad malik" or even with your user name "@zaynmalik" this blog will appear and maybe you'll read this. Sorry because i have to say it, zayn. First i will let you know how much i love you. You know i adore you not just because your looks. Your look is good, more than good. You're like an angel. But the main thing is because your voice and your act towards something. Hey, i knew it because i've been in 1D fandom for about 3 years long. And you're my fav, zayn. When that news got heard by my ears the first that i thought was "no. It's just a joke. They're lying to you. Never believe them." But lil did you know, i cried and cried for almost a day full. And then when i finally knew that it's true. I still can't believeit until this second, zayn. It's just so unbelievable. I read your reason. I tried to make my brain to believeit and let it go. But, it's not that easy. My heart hurts. It hurts so much, man. Second, when i told my close friend about it she said "calm down, Has. May be after he out from the band, he will be back to Allah again. He will be back to His straight way, be more religious." And i hope too. I wished you read Qur'an again, pray to Allah again. But when i just got home today (8/6/15) my aunt told me "who's the one with "malik" he painted his hair green" me: "seriously? How did you know?" Her: "i read at detik (it's one of newspaper's name) " and then exactly i looked for it at the internet and i opened one of the web. Perrie's photo appeared. It's you and her. Didn't make me shock enough. But the things that made me shock are 1. You cut your hair until bald and then painted it. Sorry i don't mean anything. But it's just looked like you're stressed enough bcs something and i don't want you to feel it :( 2. You pireced your nose and your other ear. I know you like naughty boy but i don't want you to be dressed like that. Because i want you to back, zayn. Not back again to one direction. But please back to your God. Allah. Sorry. I said like this not because i critic you, but it's because i love you. Just as a remind, i'm a muslim and you're too. I just don't want you to be in a wrong way. I remember when you were in one direction, part of your body that it's so important tou you was your hair :"") no one couldn't touch it because you forbid them haha that's why i got shocked when i saw that photo. I'll love you for who you are but it's just out of the limit. And i remember too a fact said like this: " Once, harry was crying for hours just because Zayn said he will leave the band on the 30th of february." But zayn, it's not even 30th of February yet, why did you leave? The saddest part is that i'll never hear your angel voice again colaborate with the other 4 angels' voices. I'll never see you in the other music video. I hope you understand this, zayn. (If you read this, and i hope you read this) i just wanna say what in my heart. Sorry sorry sorry and thankyou, zayn. You're one of the pencil colours that has coloured my life. I love you and i'll aways love you ♥ -RFHS-

Things happened and some has changed

Hai. Long time no write in this blank online paper. Haha. Yes i have a new life. In the different book of life. Never thought it will be like this before. But it's okay. Because i got new experiments. You know where is my school? It's in east java. Wanna know the name? It's Darussalam Modern Islamis Boarding School for girls 3 or Pondok Pesantren Gontor Putri 3. In that place, there's no internet or gadget for the students. So yeah, i leave my media socials in here. And ofcourse i missed some news. It's suck, tbh but that is how my life's going. I got chance to meet and know more people there, from different cities or even different countries. I live without myparents and far from home. Sometimes i got a homesick feeling and it's the worst feeling ever but bcs of that i knew how the boys feel when they got homesick. Bcs same, man. While i went away, i knew so many things happened and many things changed. There were happy new and the sad one too. But the saddest news that happened and effected to my life is the new about ZAYN MALIK OUT FROM ONE DIRECTION. When my friends told me about it, the first thing that come out from my mind was just "no. They are lying to you. It's just a joke. And never be true. Don't believe them." But i couldn't held my tears anymore and i cried almost a day full and i were looking for some true news from that place without internet. Until my friend who is not in the boarding school (she is in tangerang) told me about the same news. "It's true. And unbelievable." Zayn is my fav. I love him so much. It hurts me to know that he's not in the band anymore. Really. Night changes is the last music video that there's his existance. Four is the last album which there's his angel voice in there. So sad man. One Direction made by 5 persons. And now we lost one of them. I don't know what just happened in my fandom. No not only in my fandom, but in my life. Until this second, i still can't believe that zayn javaad malik is not in the band anymore. And the saddest part other is he made his hair to be bald. Yeah the hair that he used to love so much. And painted itwith green colour. Amd he got his nose pierced and his other ear too. No, i don't hate him. I still love him. -RFHS-