Me and Them overthere

Haaai i'm back again :-) after about 6 months and after such a long story now it's time for me to be home.. I have a story. So i have just passed the second semester. It was such a great-tired semester. We had Laksana Gembira in March. I was being chief when Drama Contest for Lahore A. Chief for Jogja Hometrip Committee and it's not that easy. I lived in Lahore 1st room. And my friends were so amazing. I love them more than when i was in Lahore 4th room. They could understand me more and i love it. Why? Bcs my charcters are the difficult one to understand it. They were Balqis Afifah or we called her by "Bear" she's my chief of room with s/ Afifah Indah. So there was Hannah binti Mohd. Amir she comes from malaysia and i've been one year with her. There was Neta Cikal Gunadi, Zahrotul Hayati, Feni Rahma, Silfia Rahmadania or we called her by "Tukul" and there was Apriliana K. They were the best haha. Even they liked to made me angry or sad but they made me happy too in this semester. In that room, 3 persons were chief of hometrip committee for their own consulate. They were Bear for Bekasi, Neta for Purwakarta, and Me for Yogyakarta. It was so fun to have them as chief too. When there was a meeting we could remind each others, when we confused of something we could ask to others. We loved to story, joked, and laughed together. We have many stories. When it's the time for PRAKBIN we stayed up all night for doing it in the room, when we didn't participate the branch's agenda and we got angry by the chief of branch, when one room couldn't wake up for ashar prayer and we got dry up and getting angry by the security of branch. And after it we needed to stand up when Qur'an reading for 2 days. I have Bitter-sweet memories with them. But unfortunately, we have to separate. We need to change our branch, our room. When my chief of branch read it, i was about to cry bcs i got Alighart A as my new branch while Bear got Syiria and it means she will be a responsible in a new students' branch (class 1) and Neta got Andalusia and it means she will be a responsible in a new students' branch too but for class 1 Int the one that i wished but i couldn't be there haha so sad. And Hannah got Lahore B she will stay in Lahore for one year haha and afer it i was crying and i couldn't stop it. I don't wanna be in alighart bcs i don't have friends there. Many of my friends got the new students branch and it hurts me well. Jealous enough but i know it's the best for me. I will miss my old room so much i will miss them so much, they were the best, really.

This is my tragic life. lol.

Do you think being in that boarding school is fun? Huh. If yes, you're 10000% wrong. I told you, being in that boarding school is like you're struggling to stay alive in the hunger games. Lmao. I'm not kidding. Maybe it's not that bad if you enjoy it but my problem is i CAN'T enjoy it. I'll never enjoy it. You'll get mental, heart, brain temptations. Actually it'll make you stronger but to be stronger than before, you really need to pass those trials firstly and it is the worst part. I'm not ready to return to that boarding school again. I really need to prepare my soul my mental my brain and my heart firstly, and i'm afraid if i can't do it. It's like a nightmare if i think about it. But i can't take a move back. I'll never take a step back. Why? Bcs my parents won't let me do it. And beside it, i know that it can make my future. Actually it depends on you, but yeah. I'm trying to survive in there. I'm trying to stay alive even i'm empty. I'm trying to make it fun even all of the daily is monoton. I'm trying to make myself happy even all i feel is i miss home. You know what? That boarding school is like a little country in a big country. But we can't out from it. It's like that little country has a big transparant dome as its roof. Ugh i don't know. The other worst thing again is i will missed 5sos' concert in indonesia bcs i'm in that boarding school. They WON'T allow me to take maybe only 3 days off to see them. And i've already missed The Boys' concert when they were here for the first time. You wanna know where i was? Well, i was in that boarding school too. Can you imagine how sad i was? No? Well, i was crying for days and days. Bcs i couldn't let it happened to myself but i could do nothing. Nothing except cry. I have waited them for so damn long to come here but when they did, i couldn't see them bcs i'm in that boarding school. Sometimes i just give up living in that boarding school. No, i'm not stopping for living, but i don't do my job or my daily as best as i could. Do you know what i want? I wanna be done as an alumnus. That make a special history in that boarding school. Like maybe when in the class 6 i be a MAC or  an instruction section or maybe a language section or anything else. Or when in this final intensive, i can go to aussie with a scholarship, aamiin. This what makes me stay alive in that boarding school lol.

I think i'll be used to a situation like this

In this holiday, i'm happy enough. Why? Bcs i know i don't lose you. You're still here, you're still my best friend. Or is it just me that maybe i'll used to this. Yeah, whatever it is, as long it makes me happy, it's no problem haha

Other Side

Tbfh, i wanted to delete my 2 posts about you when you picked me up to meet our friends. Why? Bcs that time, i didn'tas you and you offered me if you could pick me up even you were from your school and i knew that you were soooo damn tired but you wanted to pick me up. I felt like "well, you're still my bestfriend" but it doesn't make me delete those two posts at the end. In the other side, i still have you. I didn't lose you. And i Thank to God for it. I loveyou, fah. Literally you're my best friend.

Remember, Forget, and Things Changed

Today, i heard "Sayap Pelingmu" by The Overtunes on my tv. It reminded me of you. Of us. When it's weeks away till i was about to left this town, you sent me a song and it was that song. I cried easily when i heard that song. Remember it? I doubt that you remember it. Or maybe you remember "One" by Ed Sheeran that you ever suggested to me? Little did you know, i remember every single little thing that happened between us. Oh maybe not "every" it's too dramatic haha but believe me i might be remember things that you forget. It hurts, tbh. Facing the fact you forget it while i still remember it. Like this one. I remember when you said that Moments by One Direction reminds you of Satya. I always remember it but i know you DO forget it. It's not your fault actually it's just we're humans we forget some things and we remember some things. It'll be so nice if i know you remember some of our memories tho. In a year since junior high school ended, in a year when i do not in the same city as you, in a year that including 12 months everything has changed. And yeah, you changed too. I feel like i lost you. I almost didn't recognise you. Maybe i do not regocnise you until now. You know, i only have this 50 days plus mabye 8 days in a year that i can spend with you and what happened to the rest of it? You do know that it's impossible to meet me in the rest of those days. I expected more and more days of my holidays to be spend with you but what was happening is exactly the opposite of what i expected. We only met twice in 50 days. Once you invited me to sleepover in your home that i expected it was gonna be so fun. But i was wrong again. We were busy with our own gadget. It's your fault tbh, bcs if you didn't start it first i'd never be on my internet world. I was so lonely on that moment. I couldn't even talk with you because you seemed so busy. It's fun when we could laugh together again after a really long moment but actually i didn't think that you were really laughing because i knew you were sad that moment. I couldn't bring back the old us. I never can. It feels like the only person that changed between us is you. I do still the same, but idk tho. We barely have a chat again, we barely say those cursing words again to each other. Little did you know, your contact name in my phone hasn't changed, it's still "my bitch" i don't know if my contact name on your phone has changed or not. We're as close as strangers. You can't mad at me just because of this. Because this is exactly what i feel. I'm just so sad that we never can be like the old us. This distance and our own life are keeping me away from you. I know that nothing lasts forever and nothing stays the same except God. But i'm just not ready for that "change" things. You can say that i'm afraid of it. Everything feels so different. Well, the only thing that i can do is face it. And live in it. I do this because i love you and i don't wanna lose you. I NEVER want to lose you.

For my beloved bestfriend, FMR

I miss the old you. I miss us. When we used to talk all day all night, when we used to laugh at literally everything. When you showed your stupidity and i would laugh at it or vice versa. When you listened to everything that i told you and it happened the same to me too. When you cried in my shoulders and i did too. When we used to be in each other's side. When all you had was only me. When the first time i called you from my place and you were like "OH MY GOD, HASNA?!" not like when the last time i called you from that place too. You just like "oh. Hey. What's up?" It feels like you're gonna used to it. Haha. So bitter. When things weren't going like this. You changed. A little by a little. When i'm here almost still the same since the day we left junior high school. It sucks and it hurts me. You're so busy with whatever is that in your life. I don't even think that you enjoy it tho. I feel like behind your smile, there's always a pain or pains. Wish i could fix you, but i couldn't. I don't blame the fate. I just feel like i lost you. And i want you to come back. I feel so lonely, here. I can't tell you this in whatsapp or face to face. I just hoped that you'll read this and take this to your deepest heart. I want you to feel the same. I love you. So much.

what sucks the most

You know what sucks the most when you gotta school in a girls boarding school? It's you can't move on from the last boy that you were falling into. Why? Because there's no boy in a girl boarding school oh gosh. You don't have someone that can replace him. It sucks the most. When you know he's already had new friends, new girls around him, and maybe a girlfriend. But you can't even get over the fact that you're still falling for him. When he is living his new part of life and already forgot about his past , and you're living yours too but your past memories still haunt you. You can imagine it by yourself how suck it is haha. Well, this post is pointless, tbh. I just wanna write in here what i feel or what i thought. Sorry for my grammar, btw :))